Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day Part I

This past Sunday one of our pastor's made a statement that caught my attention. "We do not love well". Umm...speak for yourself. I spend 5 out of 7 days (well, lately 3 out of 7 due to all our snow days) loving students through their worst and terrible circumstances. When I'm not working I'm loving others at church, making meals for mommies or those that are sick. Calling my family, loving my husband, meeting with friends...I love well and plenty. But then as I started listening to the sermon I started thinking of a WHOLE lot of things that in actuality I do NOT do well. In fact just last week I didn't follow through in some areas at my job. I said to myself, "My students know I am here, if they need me they will let me know". I'm pretty sure I didn't return a few e-mails that needed to be returned to some very close friends. I forgot a friends birthday, actually I have forgotten every body's birthday except my own, my twin (if that even counts) and Ryan's. I've held grudges, I've been sassy, I've been lazy, I've cancelled, I've complained, and I've been selfish...just to name a few. And all of these things really get in the way and prevent you from loving others well. Gosh, I'm really making myself sound pleasant. If it makes it any better I did all these things in my mind. Ha! Oh, except for this experience. A few weeks ago I was walking into the Y and I was ending a conversation on my cell phone. As I stepped up on the elliptical machine this woman next to me said, "Excuse me, I just want you to know this a no cell phone zone". I said "I'm sorry to bother you, I'm off now". That probably reads nicer than it sounded. I had this wasn't a mean tone, but it wasn't a really nice tone either. Let's just say you could tell I was annoyed, because her response was, "No, I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just telling you so you won't get in trouble". I said shortly, "Thanks". I was so annoyed that I actually switched machines! Can you believe I did that?! I acted SO ridiculous. I wanted to go apologize to her but by the time I mustered up the courage she was gone. So, I forever left a great impression of myself!

So, to throw it out there, I do not love well and I need to get over myself. I hope that woman can forgive me, and I hope all those people that were affected by my flaws can forgive me too. Therefore, I need to forgive too! We've all done terrible things and we all have junk in our trunk. God says we need to forgive seventy times seven and James 2:13 says, "There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when He judges you." Ugh, does that put anyone in their place? That verse says 2 things to me. 1. Because I am forgiven I can forgive. 2. The unforgiving become unforgiven. C.S. Lewis says, "To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you." So how did this blog turn into a blog about forgiveness? When it comes to being wounded (ex: exercise woman tells me I am in the wrong, which I was, and therefore my pride is hurt) we don't want mercy, we want justice. I wanted to put that woman in her place by making her feel stupid for calling me out on something so insignificant. How hard will it be to forgive when someone murders your loved one, says something they can't take back, let's you down, or betrays your family?? Forgiveness takes ALOT to put it mildly, but it is needed in order for us to love well. Justice is not my place. If I worry about that I will be stuck in an emotional prison and I've been's NOT fun. We're human, we can only love so much and be selfless so much. But the mind of Christ must be the most valued treasure of our life. Something our pastor also said that captured my attention.
Happy Valentines Day. :)

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  2. Let the record show that I am reading your blog! By the way, please remove that awful pic of me with the Qtips. I didn't authorize you to use that. :) Love you!