Last week I had 3 students submitted to a psychiatric ward for suicidal ideation and one teenage girl's aunt actually commit suicide. Looooong week. These young girls are so beautiful inside and out. It makes me angry that they are hurting so much. And it makes me sad because our teens today are dealing with too much way too soon! One student in particular, Thumbelina sticks out in my mind. I don't know Thumbelina too well. I spent 2 individual sessions with her and she came to 1 support group before she got admitted to the hospital. Thumbelina is so tiny and never smiles and even though she says she doesn't want to live I don't believe her. I went to visit her last week and I don't know if anyone who takes the time to read these boring stories has been to an adolescent psychiatric ward before but it's very "eery". Honestly, you can just feel the presence of darkness. I waited for 30+ minutes until a tall man entered the room and said in this deep voice, "you hear to see Thumbelina"? I walked the "white mile" went through several locked doors, had my purse confiscated, and finally entered a bare cold white room. There were two beds and in one was Thumbelina with her knees tucked up under her chin with her sullen vacant eyes. You start to think for a minute, "What do you say to someone who doesn't want to live"? I was overwhelmed with compassion for this young girl and as we begin talking you can hear the sadness and fear. The fear to live. At some points I can understand why she is afraid. Our world can be very scary, hard and unforgiving...but that's where faith comes in. Words of truth just started pouring out of my mouth. Jesus loves you, He has a purpose for you, He loves you even more, you don't need to be afraid, you are beautiful and you are loved Thumbelina. Tears well up in her eyes and she instantly shuts them off like every other emotion she feels. But I gently tell her, "Look at me Thumbelina, I'm not going to give up on you and I love you". I ask her if I can pray for her, she says, "It doesn't really matter, you can do what you want". I say, "You do matter and because this is true I'm going to pray for you". I asked her if I could hold her hand because I was desperate to touch this lifeless body. As I grabbed her hand I was shocked. The sterile room was freezing, I was freezing, plus she is underweight (meaning her body should be ice cold) but oddly her hand was on fire. It hit me, "There is so much life in this girl" and I hear God say, "fight for her". I tell her that I know this and her lip trembles, she shakes her head to rid the emotion. I pray, I hug, I leave and can feel a sudden lightness as I step outside. I get in the car and I pray, pray hard and you know what I realize...Satan is real and it makes me angry. So if you read this, please help me fight for Thumbelina and all the people who think this world would be better without them.
I am an imperfect woman that is learning to love. Learning to love God, my husband (which is not very hard!), myself (much harder!), my family, and anyone else that walks into my path. I want my life to show God's Glory. I want people to know the Grace, Redemption, and Freedom that I know. Many things get in the way such as fear, anxiety, health, and my past. But amongst all these trials I will choose Joy, I will Love, and I will always choose God.