The Crouse House

Happy Father's Day!

2011-06-19T09:53:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's Day Dad! I love you so much! I'm so thankful that I have a Father that supports me and loves me through thick and thin. Thank you so much for representing Christ and His love for me and representing a wonderful marriage and how I should be adored by a man that loves God. Thank you for always answering my "panicky" calls when I was scared and helping me when I was sick, broke, anxious, discouraged, and heading on the wrong track. :) Thanks for putting up with me when I was sassy, bossy, sensitive, cranky, moody, girly, emotional, and much more! Thank you for supporting the most wonderful day of my life when I married the man of my dreams! Thank you for supporting our marriage and who we are...two young kids trying to do God's will. Thank you for letting me pack my little black Celica up to the roof with clothes and letting me drive 10 hours to my new home in Tennessee where I began a whole new adventure in life. Thank you for buying me my purple convertible with a white top! Thank you for bringing me gifts home from the gift shop at the hospital! Thank you for sending me encouraging notes in the mail and thank you for sending me encouraging texts on the phone! Thank you for driving out to Nashville to watch me graduate with my masters that we paid for with CASH because you got us on the Dave Ramsey train! I look forward to the future and I pray that our relationship will continue to grow! I love you so much Dad! So if you ever think I don't notice the "little" things you did/do for me get up and read this blog. :)

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Yeah Shutterfly!

2010-11-23T06:52:00.000-08:00

Every year I search very hard for FREE Christmas photo cards. I mean these things can add up if you’re not careful, especially when you’re sending cards to your Aunt's next door neighbor's Mother. After much searching…BAM! I stumbled upon a blog that was sharing exactly what I was looking for! Shutterfly is offering 50 FREE holiday cards if you spread the word on your blog. This is great because for the past 2 years my hubby and I have used Shutterfly for photocards and tons of gifts for the family ranging from calendars to wedding books. And we are excited to use them again this year for our Christmas card. In fact, we are about to cozy up on the couch and pick from the numerous choices. Wish us luck as we could be in for a long night but it’s worth it because Shutterfly is cheap and fast. So make a post on your blog! Spread the word, spread some cheer and save some money!

1. Christmas photo cards to http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-photo-card
2. Christmas cards to http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-cards
3. holiday cards to http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/holiday-cards
4. personalized mugs to http://www.shutterfly.com/photo-gifts/photo-mugs
5. birthday party cards to http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/birthday-cards-stationery
6. holiday invitations to http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-invitations
7. Choose your favorite product from our Cards & Stationery page

Thumbelina

2010-11-20T18:44:00.000-08:00

Last week I had 3 students submitted to a psychiatric ward for suicidal ideation and one teenage girl's aunt actually commit suicide. Looooong week. These young girls are so beautiful inside and out. It makes me angry that they are hurting so much. And it makes me sad because our teens today are dealing with too much way too soon! One student in particular, Thumbelina sticks out in my mind. I don't know Thumbelina too well. I spent 2 individual sessions with her and she came to 1 support group before she got admitted to the hospital. Thumbelina is so tiny and never smiles and even though she says she doesn't want to live I don't believe her. I went to visit her last week and I don't know if anyone who takes the time to read these boring stories has been to an adolescent psychiatric ward before but it's very "eery". Honestly, you can just feel the presence of darkness. I waited for 30+ minutes until a tall man entered the room and said in this deep voice, "you hear to see Thumbelina"? I walked the "white mile" went through several locked doors, had my purse confiscated, and finally entered a bare cold white room. There were two beds and in one was Thumbelina with her knees tucked up under her chin with her sullen vacant eyes. You start to think for a minute, "What do you say to someone who doesn't want to live"? I was overwhelmed with compassion for this young girl and as we begin talking you can hear the sadness and fear. The fear to live. At some points I can understand why she is afraid. Our world can be very scary, hard and unforgiving...but that's where faith comes in. Words of truth just started pouring out of my mouth. Jesus loves you, He has a purpose for you, He loves you even more, you don't need to be afraid, you are beautiful and you are loved Thumbelina. Tears well up in her eyes and she instantly shuts them off like every other emotion she feels. But I gently tell her, "Look at me Thumbelina, I'm not going to give up on you and I love you". I ask her if I can pray for her, she says, "It doesn't really matter, you can do what you want". I say, "You do matter and because this is true I'm going to pray for you". I asked her if I could hold her hand because I was desperate to touch this lifeless body. As I grabbed her hand I was shocked. The sterile room was freezing, I was freezing, plus she is underweight (meaning her body should be ice cold) but oddly her hand was on fire. It hit me, "There is so much life in this girl" and I hear God say, "fight for her". I tell her that I know this and her lip trembles, she shakes her head to rid the emotion. I pray, I hug, I leave and can feel a sudden lightness as I step outside. I get in the car and I pray, pray hard and you know what I realize...Satan is real and it makes me angry. So if you read this, please help me fight for Thumbelina and all the people who think this world would be better without them.

Be the Change!

2010-10-03T10:30:00.000-07:00

The past two weeks at work have been crazy, interesting and overwhelming. I hosted this program titled "Challenge Day" which airs on MTV under the show called "If You Really Knew Me" for those of you who will admit to watching such a station (Now is a good time for me to admit that I'm obsessed with Teen Mom)! Anyway, Challenge Day is a program that "challenges" students to see their peers from a different light and to "get real" about who they are. It's extremely intense as the kids answer the question, "If you really knew me you would know..." Before we dive into the depths of the teenage soul we play incredibly silly games. We laugh, we dance, we sing and most importantly we HUG. Oh, and I do the worm, which is pretty incredible that my 28 year old body can still master this move on an extremely hard gym floor. I can't do this program justice with my words. It's something you have to experience. You'll see jocks crying, gang member throwing up the hand symbol for "I love you", cutters rolling up their sleeves and much more. The day get even more emotional as the students are asked to cross the line if you've ever experienced....fill in the blank. My heart breaks as kids cross the line for poverty, drugs, death, hurts, single family homes and much more. Suddenly you realize...hurt people hurt people. That's not a typo. Hurt people hurt people. And it's incredible to see the walls come down from shame and embarrassment and to hear teenagers express their deepest fears. Lives are changed. Students make commitments to "Be the Change". Cheerleaders start saying "Hi" to geeks, apologies are made, friendships are restored and the lonely feel supported. It helps the adults too. Grown men make phone calls to family members that they haven't contacted in over two years. Parents get an inside view of what their kids are dealing with. And for me, it's a breath of fresh air. I see hope, change and genuineness that I don't see very often. So three days of Challenge Day equals allot of money, lack of sleep, a million hugs, aching body, 300+ students, 90 volunteers, over 100 e-mails and referrals that I'm behind in because Challenge Day consumed my life for the majority of the month of September, and a good week and a half of recovery time from such an emotional 3 days. When it's all over though it's totally worth it and here's few reasons why. Bobby tried to commit suicide and said he was thankful he was still here. In response 99 students stood up and affirmed him that he was not alone and he was loved. Susie got to say through her tears, "I'm so mad at my dad for having an affair", Joe got to say, "I have a full ride to _____ for sports and I hate playing sports"! Betty said, "I'm angry that my parents are so sick from their choices that I have to clean, do laundry and cook for my siblings". The list goes on and on. And I got to stand up and say..."You matter, you have a purpose, and you are loved. It only takes 1 of you to break the cycle of in your family, amongst your friends and amongst your student body. So here's to hoping it sticks and me and my school will learn to "Be the Change".

Night of Remembrance

2010-08-25T07:44:00.000-07:00

At the end of last year my high school (for the first time in 10 years) scored above the national average in alcohol and drug use. Go “my high school”! Always trying to look at the bright side of things, I thought to myself, “Well, at least this secures my non-profit job”! Negative Nancy could also say, “Kat, you suck at your job”! Ha! But along with always being negative Nancy lies a lot too, which means I don’t really suck at my job. The best thing about this statistic is that it woke some parents up and they are on the STARS band wagon!

So, last night STARS (me) hosted a student/parent kick off night at the high school in the gym. We wanted to remind parents and students how precious life is and not to take things for granted. I need to be reminded of that several times throughout the day, especially when I run out creamer for my coffee. We had a dynamic speaker that shared his personal story about losing his son to a drunk driver. Heartbreaking. Why does that happen? I’m angry. I wish someone would have taken the keys away. So we all have heard this story a million times either on Oprah, or a high school assembly 10 years ago, but what threw me is that Mr. Williams did not speak about his “world”, he spoke about the boy who shattered his “world”. “Why did this boy make this choice”? “Why did no one love him”? “Why did he not have influences in his life that showed him character or to teach him to make good choices”? And when this boy left the bar after 6 straight hours, why didn’t any of his “friends” take his keys away”? “Why didn’t they have anyone who taught them to be a bystander”?

The night concluded with several musical performances from our students ranging from guitar, piano (that I wheeled 5 miles from the choir room) to a quartet that caused me to tear up the second the first note left their voices. In the midst of this our Assistant Principal read a summary of the evening and spoke the names (all 9) of the students that had tragically passed away from our school. I had the honor (I’m being serious) of taking the week to call these parents and inviting them to a night where their “world” was being remembered. Life looks differently when you’re listening to a parent that is heartbroken on the other end of the phone. And life looks differently when you see the very same parents walk into the gym with smiles spread across their faces. When the names were mentioned we had an opportunity to stand representing our love for that particular student. It was only for a few seconds but it felt like minutes. Suddenly…all the hurt, anger, selfishness, judgment etc. doesn’t matter anymore. Instead of hearing the voice in your head you hear tears and sniffs.

Last night was yet again another reminder for me that every choice counts. But really, every choice counts. Every person that you know and/or encounter provides an opportunity for you to make a difference. Below is the summary that our assistance principal read. I loved it so I’m posting it.

Those of us here tonight know what a special community this truly is. Though each of us is made differently, both physically and emotionally, we have this structure that unites us as a family. We want what is best for our peers, even though we may not know their names. As members of this family, we know that life is precious and we must treat each day like the gift it is. As members of this family we laugh together; We play together; We learn together; AND we cry together. Tonight is about celebrating this family. It is about respectfully celebrating a new face in a crowded student section and it is about celebrating the face that you have seen every day since the third grade. It is about celebrating each body that walks the halls of our school, celebrating those who will walk the halls after us, and it is about celebrating those who have walked the halls before us. Tonight is about remembering. It is about remembering the members of our family who we have lost and it is about remembering what their lives have taught us about life itself. You may have never met the wonderful people whose names I am about to read, you may have been a classmate, or you may have been a friend or relative. Regardless of how you knew them, celebrate. Celebrate what they taught us while they were here and how they remind us to hold each moment as a treasure and celebrate each other daily.

So long summer...

2010-08-10T08:08:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh! It's been forever since I've posted an entry! And to my surprise I've had several people say, "Kat, you need to upload your blog"! I always think, "People never read this crap". So here's a mass update on my summer in a very random order...

Recently, my husband has started making me dress up as characters for money. I told him that he better stop or people are going to start getting the wrong impression. Here I am dressed up as strawberry shortcake for a little girl's birthday party.

Got a whole free value meal from chic-fil-a for dressing up as a cow. This is the only time you will see me dressed up as a cow.

Thanks to TLC constant airing of reruns I fell "addictively" in love with "Say Yes to the Dress" and for the life of me cannot understand the popularity of see through wedding dresses?!

We had a Toy Story marathon when the in-laws came to visit. Here we are watching Toy Story 3 in 3-D. I'm not going to tell anyone that they all teared up at the end. I did not however because big girls don't cry.

This past weekend I went out of town to visit a very close friend. I loved getting to hang out with her and the family! The most fun I had was organizing her closet. Yes, you heard me right. Below is the "after" pic. Let's just say that before you wouldn't have known she had a walk in closet! Just looking at the pic inspires me!

I read the "Mark of the Lion" series by Francene Rivers. This is the 3rd book and I actually found myself hiding it when I was in public because I didn't want people to think I was reading a porn novel! I love Francene Rivers because she always has characters that represent Christ's love for us. I'm telling you...if Hadassah can love someone like Julia then I have NO excuses!

I met Katie Davis! Those who know me know that I'm obsessed with her blog and I got the chance to go to her home in Brentwood, TN and sit with her for 2 hours! As you can see I met her youngest daughter Patricia. It was incredible. To meet someone who's life is fully devoted to serving God was incredible and challenging. I mean, here's a girl that doesn't worry her looks, getting married, having a nice house, what she is wearing...blah blah blah...she's worried about serving God.

I fell in love with Justin Bieber. The more rhymes and m-bops the better I always say! And I find it highly inappropriate yet humorous that the local top 40 radio station has a contest titled "Play with your Bieber". If you don't get it than good for you! You're purer than me and I'm not going to corrupt you.

Jillian Michaels and I became best friends. We were getting along so well hanging out in level 1, but once she invited me to hang out with her at "level 2" my knees and I decided that she was mean and so we de-friended her.

This is a picture of me in Gatlinburg, TN...right before I dropped our brand new camera into the beautiful water!

Me wearing a life jacket that is too big for me!

Ryan and I in Gatlinburg. I just like this picture because you can see Ryan's shadow of his arm right across our faces! Obviously you can tell that we are not photographers.

My best friend Kari came to visit me for four days. It was the highlight of my summer! There's something that happens when you are around someone that brings out the good in you and loves you endlessly. She also found out that she was pregnant during this time! She also made me run intervals at the park and I haven't sweat that much since I was in high school! I lost several pounds! Dear Kari, please come back.

We stained our deck and when I say "we" I mean "Ryan".

Look how nasty it was. On the left is no power wash and on the right is power wash. :)

Look at my sweet Grandma. This is a picture of us holding the quilt that I made her this past Christmas. Every time I see her, which is only twice a year :( she gives me all her left over fabric. I took that fabric and made her a "scrap" quilt. If you look closely you can notice the X's and O's...hugs and kisses Grandma!

Another look. It's so sweet because when I go see her she's sitting in her chair with the quilt covering her legs. :)

I got to spend some time with my sister in laws. They are such great mothers AND great wives. I'm so glad my brother's have them because if I can remember correctly growin up they could be quite the "little butts" at times. :) I was perfect though and never did anything to push their buttons.

My sweet niece Libby. She is quite the little entertainer!

My precious nephew Evan. He caught a fish with pa-pa Ken. It was SO cute, everyone went outside to see and he was SO proud!

I about pooped myself when my dad went tubing at the lake and then I pooped myself a second time when he got up on the knee board!!

We got to celebrate Evan's 4th birthday when I visited Oklahoma. I was SO excited because I never get to attend the birthday parties being so far away. Kent made Evan an alligator out of cupcakes for his birthday!

This is my niece Anya...after a day of shopping with Aunt Kat and Grandma Brenda. :)

Look at her sweet face...looks just like her Daddy!

Ryan tuckered out with our nephew Drew.

Aunt Kat giving sweet Anna a bath.

I mean...could my nieces and nephews be any cuter?!

As you can see I love my family and am such a proud Aunt. It is a daily battle being so far away from them. It breaks my heart to not be more involved in their lives. But I pray that I can find ways to love them so far away. :) I just recently found out that my twin brother and his wife Emily are pregnant with their second baby! And I had another niece that was born just a few days ago! I will post pics soon (at least I intentions of doing that). :)

My New Friend

2010-03-19T06:32:00.001-07:00

I made a new friend and I want you to meet her too...

I'm annoyingly driving along rush hour traffic trying to make it to my chiropractor appointment when I noticed this frail old woman inching along with her walker! Ummm...what the heck?! What on earth is she doing?! Is she a nursing home runaway? Is she loosing her mind? My heart broke as I pictured my sweet Grandma back in Oklahoma. I had to stop! I jerked off the interstate, swung my car around, hit a curb in the process and was on for the search. By the time I got through the traffic and everyone got out of my way I couldn't find her? I'm laughing, there's no way she could have gone far? I noticed a side street from where she was inching and there! A tiny hunched red blob! Thank God she didn't try to cross the crazy intersection! I caught up with her and hit the breaks. Lots of honking (Where the heck is that giant black button? The one with the red triangle on it?!) more honking, (OKAY people) oh screw it! I Roll the window down and in my sweetest voice I say, "Ma'am, can I help you?" Granny can't hear me. "MA'AM, CAN I HELP YOU?" Granny, "Oh no thank you, I'm just going to Target." I gasp! TARGET?! It would take her at least an hour to get to target! "Can I please give you a ride?" Granny chuckles, "You're not going to kidnap me are you?" I laughed and convinced her to hop in. Well, actually my SUV is not suitable for a tiny old woman so "hopping" wasn't really reasonable. I kind of lifted/scooted her in, threw her walker in the back and we were on our way!

I find out that Granny has a name which is Dorothy. Of course it's Dorothy because that has got to be the most perfect name for a sweet old granny who by the way is 86! "Dang Dorothy, you're still kicking!" Dorothy laughs. She reminds me of my Grandma. "Dorothy, what are you doing walking to Target by yourself?" Dorothy, "Oh, sometime I need a little adventure." "Dorothy, maybe you should read a book". Dorothy laughs, again I think of Grandma. "Dorothy, I like you and I'm going to help you shop today." She tells me I'm an angel...I laugh...hard.

Dorothy lives in an assisted living home. Her shuttle dropped her off at her eye doctor appointment and from there she decided to go to Target. She needed a new battery for her watch. Last week she missed her Bridge tournament because her watch wasn't working an she couldn't tell the time. My heart sunk, I would get her a new watch battery today if it was the last thing I did, Dorothy will not miss another Bridge tournament! Inching through Target I can't help but get angry as people are whisking by, inconvenienced when they get stuck behind her, or roll their eyes as they impatiently wait. Patience is a virtue people! While shopping, Dorothy decided to take advantage of my SUV and buy two king size pillows and a HUGE bag of soil for her garden. That a girl Dorothy! We make it to the check out line and Dorothy is mortified. She forgot to pick up a pack of socks for her husband Alfred, which I also think is an adorable name for what I imagine must be the sweetest old man to be married to this sweetest old lady. Dorothy, "Can I quickly go grab some socks?" "No, but you can SLOWLY go grab some socks." God forbid this woman falls and breaks a hip! Dorothy laughs, "I'm not used to people being so patient with me." I make a vow to never be impatient again. I'll let you know how long that last. 30 minutes later we grabbed the socks and checked out of target for the second time!

Dorothy says with a huge smile, "What is your name again?" I laugh, "Katherine". Dorothy, "Would you like to sit and have some water?" A check list vividly pops into my brain: chiropractor appointment, walking date with a friend, pack for Ohio, laundry, cook dinner, study..."Dorothy, I would love to sit and have some water with you." She smiles, I think of my Grandma.

While sipping water with Dorothy, I learn a lot about her life. Like Alfred recently breaking his hip causing him to be away from her in the hospital, her grandchildren, her children, her dog Rosy, and so much more. At this moment I remember I need to call Ryan! Oh crap, he's going to be worried about me. I dial, he answers, "Babe, this is really random but I saw this old lady walking on the side of the highway and I picked her up, I'm going to be home late." Ryan, "What?! "I'll explain later." Ryan, "Be safe!" I start laughing at the thought of an 86 year old elderly woman attacking me! Okay, it's getting late need to get going. Besides, Target has a policy and they won't change watch batteries and Dorothy will not miss another Bridge Tournament! Dorothy, "We better get going".

We inch to the car, throw the walker, pillows, and HUGE bag of soil into the back, lift into the seat, and head across to Radio Shack. They can't change the watch battery either! Ugh! So I go across the street into a jewelry shop. Dorothy is waiting in the car during all this as I walk into the store. Please picture this...Pit Bull dog chained to the wall, mid-40's guy who appears to be having a mid life crisis with his mullet, gold chain jewelry proudly displayed over his body, camouflage chaps (yes, I said chaps) and teeth white as snow. Classic. He changes the watch battery and the watch is broken. Nice. Dorothy might be missing her Bridge tournament after all. As I'm leaving mid life crisis guy encourages me to dig for all my gold jewelry and sell it to him. I promised I would keep that in mind. :)

I leave feeling a little defeated, but it was a good try. Now, on our way home. I'm a little nervous but Dorothy pulls through! We make it through all the twists and turns reaching the assisted living center. It's really nice! We walk into hallway and I'm hit with a wave of heat. I would love it here! We reach her room, open the door, and immediately here comes Rosy (the fattest Chiwawa I've ever seen). Dorothy is SO proud to show her off and I'm touched to see how much Rosy loves her owner! We get things settled in her house and I can't help but notice all the memories, sentiments, and precious tea cups proudly displayed throughout her home. Dorothy is thrilled as I take her up on the offer to sit in the chairs that view the man made pond in her back yard. I'm so glad I took her up on her offer as I hear Dorothy and Alfred have been married for 65 years and they like to watch old movies together. She is excited for him to return home from the nursing home. Me too because I hate leaving her all by herself. We exchange numbers and she thanks me with words, a hug, a smile, and tangerines. I promise her that I will be back and bring Ryan to meet her too.

I leave with a huge smile on my face. I loved meeting Dorothy. I'm not sure why God crossed our paths, but I was thankful for the opportunity. The opportunity to show God's love, to be loved, get out of my comfort zone, stop my busy life and be reminded of the important things. Maybe meeting Dorothy helped you do the same. :)

16 and Pregnant

2010-03-16T07:48:00.000-07:00

I just want to get on the inner com at my school and shout, "Stop having unprotected sex!" For the Love of God, you are not invincible, it can happen to you. I don't get it, I will never get it, and I will never understand it! Why kids make the choice every day to have unprotected sex!! And I am very passionate about this because if I don't fight this battle it's only a matter of time that I will be fighting a much harder battle...abortion.

I started watching the show "16 and Pregnant" hosted on MTV really for educational purposes. It was fascinating at first watching the family dynamics etc., then just down right sad. It broke my heart to see these girls raise babies on their own, be treated by dirt by the fathers, hold onto unrealistic dreams of the "perfect family" and to see the babies grow up up in this environment...I felt overwhelmed. Out of all the couples I have seen only one healthy couple portrayed great qualities of a relationship and they made the selfless choice to give their baby a better life with adoption. Now please don't mis-read me. My teenage moms that do make the choice of abortion I love dearly. I grieve those babies lives but that is not an easy choice any woman has to make. My heart goes out to them.

But here's the thing. Despite all the statistics, facts, speakers, COMMON knowledge, they still make this crazy choice. I support through pregnancy scare, pregnancies, adoptions, abortions, teen moms and STILL these children AND their parents will NOT put them or choose to use birth control. Ahhhhh!!!!! I want to SCREAM! Now is a good time to mention that I've been reading through "The Daily Bible" because I'm so holy at which I'm currently 8 days behind and in genesis this occurred to me. God specifically told Adam and Eve, "You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die." I mean could God be more specific? So this is what dawned on me. Adam and Eve must have been 16. Tell a teenager that 1+1='s 2 and they will argue with it and try to prove you wrong or think..."Yeah, but not me". And you know, the kids are not the only one's to blame. I have conversations with parents all the time...
Me: Mrs. Denial, you're daughter has been having unprotected sex, she needs to get a pregnancy
test.
Mrs. Denial: What?! I am shocked! (Despite all the OBVIOUS signs). Well, I will have a talk
with her.

Days later calling for a follow up.

Me: Hi Mrs. Denial, can you give me an update on the situation with your daughter.
Mrs. Denial: Oh yes, (AKA: I don't really want to talk about it out loud because I'm doing my
best to act like it never happened) I talked with my daughter and she's not going to have
sex again. (Ever in her entire life)

Again, I want to scream. Please don't live in the land of denial! Get out!

Snow White and the 5 Dwarfs

2010-03-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

April 30th, 2009 a young boy passed away with Leukemia. He attended the high school that I work at for his Freshman year. Most of his sophomore year was spent battling for his life in a local hospital. Unfortunately, I did not get the chance to meet this young boy. I started hearing more and more about him as students were coming with me with concern and wanting help with their fears. I became emotionally attached with this young boy through his carinbridge site. One day in my office I stared at the computer for over 3 hours reading about the trials one goes through when fighting such a disease. It was reading the stories on the site of hope, faith, his friends visiting him on his birthday. The love and support from his church was amazing, a member from the church staff visited him and his family everyday! I couldn't help but think about his mother, father, and older brother. I remember being ecstatic reading the updates as the news got greater, greater, and greater. Cancer free to be exact! Then the shock and disappointment when the last update stated, "Dear friends, we are sad to say the Leukemia has returned, there is nothing left that the doctors can do." It was a tough year last year at the high school. We had a boy murdered, 2 students die of cancer, one die in a car crash, and another pass away from a reaction to IB Profuen. I never imagined I would be conducting 5 grief groups in one year.
The 5 dwarfs were friends of this young boy I've been talking about. It's been a very difficult grief group. They are hurt, angry, and they miss their friend terribly. The day this young man died was a day like I had never seen before at RHS. We must of checked out the entire sophomore class (over 400 students) that day at school. Leading a group of boys is definitely outside my comfort zone and it's been challenging. And today was the most challenging of all. Snow White (mom who lost her son) called me to inform me that her son's tombstone would be placed and she wanted to give the dwarfs an opportunity to see it first and together. So I set up a field trip today for the boys. We drove out to the graveside, there Snow White left a cooler of Red Bull (son's favorite) and a letter to each dwarf. I too had the dwarfs write a letter to Snow White, telling her what her son meant to them and how they were going to keep his memory alive. I knew this would be important because Snow White expressed me that her greatest fear (other than losing a child) was that he would be forgotten. This boy will never be forgotten, not by the dwarfs and not by me. They also were to write one a 6 pack of eggs what they were angry about and "chuck" em!
But here's the thing. Out of all my grief groups these boys have had the most difficult time coping. Snow White believes in God and so did her son. He is in Heaven and I'm so thankful for that other wise this experience would have been much more difficult. It's been on my heart for a long time and then when I went to church yesterday it confirmed it. The sermon encouraged us to share our faith. I love my job because I get to show God's love everyday to students. Saying it however...that's a different story. But today was the perfect opportunity. I wasn't on school grounds and today out of all days would be the time that I had their attention. So I mustered up the courage and said...
"Your friend believed in God. He is in heaven, he is happy, he is whole, he is taken care of, and he was ready to go. God doesn't disappoint us, but life does. God did take care of him, it just wasn't the way we wanted him to be taken care of. Your friend does not want a legacy of hatred left behind. He wants you to remember that he was strong and accepted life the way it was. And the best part is, you can see him again! You can see him again when it's your turn to pass. But you have to have God in your heart." God says, "Therefore if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come! Your friend experienced that and you can too!
And that tiny paragraph took me about a week to gutsy up and say.
Did it make a difference? No clue. But I'm hoping it planted a seed in their sweet heads. These young men are precious. They have already had too much hurt for their young ages. No dads, addicted parents, verbal abuse and a loss of a dear friend. They have every reason to NOT believe in a God but it's more the reason that they NEED God. So please help me pray. That they will think about what was said and that I will continue to have the courage to share. He was an incredible young man. The 6 of them together had a unique friendship and tragically watched their best friend shrivel away. I got to talk with Snow White today. She is beautiful and doing wonderful. Holding strong to God and living life. The good days and the bad. I'm so touched that I have gotten to be a part of her life.

You had what for breakfast?!

2010-02-19T05:48:00.000-08:00

Ryan and I buy our eggs from a co-worker that raises chickens. No anti-bodies, free ranging, they don't eat their own poop, and they haven't been rebuilt by hormones. We get 24 farm fress eggs for $2! Probably one of my biggest bargains yet! Dave Ramsey would be proud.

Farmer Rick says to Ryan, "When you crack the egg you might see some tiny brown dots". Ryan, "Okay, what are the tiny brown dots?" Farmer, "Oh, I have a rooster and he fertilizes my chickens". That was it, farmer Rick went on about his day. So the question of this story is, "So...am I eating Rooster sperm for breakfast?" A quote from my husband who continues to be the funniest person I have ever known. The end.

Happy Valentine's Day Part I

2010-02-14T17:32:00.001-08:00

This past Sunday one of our pastor's made a statement that caught my attention. "We do not love well". Umm...speak for yourself. I spend 5 out of 7 days (well, lately 3 out of 7 due to all our snow days) loving students through their worst and terrible circumstances. When I'm not working I'm loving others at church, making meals for mommies or those that are sick. Calling my family, loving my husband, meeting with friends...I love well and plenty. But then as I started listening to the sermon I started thinking of a WHOLE lot of things that in actuality I do NOT do well. In fact just last week I didn't follow through in some areas at my job. I said to myself, "My students know I am here, if they need me they will let me know". I'm pretty sure I didn't return a few e-mails that needed to be returned to some very close friends. I forgot a friends birthday, actually I have forgotten every body's birthday except my own, my twin (if that even counts) and Ryan's. I've held grudges, I've been sassy, I've been lazy, I've cancelled, I've complained, and I've been selfish...just to name a few. And all of these things really get in the way and prevent you from loving others well. Gosh, I'm really making myself sound pleasant. If it makes it any better I did all these things in hiding...in my mind. Ha! Oh, except for this experience. A few weeks ago I was walking into the Y and I was ending a conversation on my cell phone. As I stepped up on the elliptical machine this woman next to me said, "Excuse me, I just want you to know this a no cell phone zone". I said "I'm sorry to bother you, I'm off now". That probably reads nicer than it sounded. I had this tone...it wasn't a mean tone, but it wasn't a really nice tone either. Let's just say you could tell I was annoyed, because her response was, "No, I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just telling you so you won't get in trouble". I said shortly, "Thanks". I was so annoyed that I actually switched machines! Can you believe I did that?! I acted SO ridiculous. I wanted to go apologize to her but by the time I mustered up the courage she was gone. So, I forever left a great impression of myself!

So, to throw it out there, I do not love well and I need to get over myself. I hope that woman can forgive me, and I hope all those people that were affected by my flaws can forgive me too. Therefore, I need to forgive too! We've all done terrible things and we all have junk in our trunk. God says we need to forgive seventy times seven and James 2:13 says, "There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when He judges you." Ugh, does that put anyone in their place? That verse says 2 things to me. 1. Because I am forgiven I can forgive. 2. The unforgiving become unforgiven. C.S. Lewis says, "To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you." So how did this blog turn into a blog about forgiveness? When it comes to being wounded (ex: exercise woman tells me I am in the wrong, which I was, and therefore my pride is hurt) we don't want mercy, we want justice. I wanted to put that woman in her place by making her feel stupid for calling me out on something so insignificant. How hard will it be to forgive when someone murders your loved one, says something they can't take back, let's you down, or betrays your family?? Forgiveness takes ALOT to put it mildly, but it is needed in order for us to love well. Justice is not my place. If I worry about that I will be stuck in an emotional prison and I've been there...it's NOT fun. We're human, we can only love so much and be selfless so much. But the mind of Christ must be the most valued treasure of our life. Something our pastor also said that captured my attention.
Happy Valentines Day. :)

Happy Valentine's Day Part II

2010-02-14T17:18:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone had a Happy Valentine's Day. Ryan and I have been sick all week long. Me longer than him. Monday evening we both spent the night on the bathroom floors. It was quite an experience. We have never been sick like that at the same time and it's the first time I have ever seen him throw up. Let me just say I was in bed laughing so hard! It was so funny. The rest of the week was spent eating crackers and drinking Gatorade! So planning a fun Valentine's Day was the last thing on our list. But Saturday night Ryan surprised me with a steak dinner, flowers, and wine. I had a whole 5 bites, but it was delicious. He had the rest of my steak. :) Then we decided we needed desert so I randomly had all the ingredients for a homemade carrot cake. I know, I said it was random. The picture above is a breakfast I made for him this morning. I was much more chipper and too myself and wanted to do something nice for him. I found this recipe on the Martha Stewart website. It's a strawberry shortcake cut out into hearts. As I was making it this morning I realized that this is actually a dessert and not a typical breakfast item, but the recipe was under the breakfast category? Nevertheless, I loaded my husband up on sugar and he was happy. I also cut out the little hearts and stapled it in place of Ryan's tea bag. Something else I found on Martha's website. Also, it was the only craft I could do for free and wouldn't take me 5+hours to make!

Ya Ya Sisterhood

2010-01-25T06:55:00.000-08:00

My students are always challenging me. Teenagers always challenge me. They scare me too! But the lessons I learn from them are so valuable and challenge me daily. Part of my job is to to conduct support groups weekly with a small number of students. The topics vary but ultimately end up talking about similar things such as dating, self-esteem, difficult choices they are faced with, and just life. I currently have 9 support groups, mostly girls, and they are my favorite part of my job. I absolutely love walking through life with these adolescents.

I have or I should say had a group of 6 girls that are very dear to my heart. Funny thing about them is that they were all close friends when we started group over a year ago. I thought to myself, "Oh, this group will be easy." What does easy mean? Not emotionally draining, the group will run itself, it will be fun! Plus, they all have a heart for the Lord, sure their lives don't always show that, but out of all my groups they make the healthiest decisions. I relate to these girls the most, they reminded me of "me" in high school. I went above and beyond with them always! I guess I felt like I put a lot into their group so when the group failed I took it pretty hard.

So what happened? I really don't know! What I do know is that they just couldn't get along. But there was no specific incident, you know like a "She stole my boyfriend!" Or anything like that. It was all, "she said" and "she did", but they were mean to each other. Texting and facebooking terrible things. So I did what any counselor tried to do. Fix it! I brought them all into my office and gave them each a turn to share their side of the story, blah blah blah. I spoke from my heart. I told them the importance of friendship, how my friendships have held me together and when they stuck by me in my bad times and vise versa. I mean, I really told some meaningful stuff here! It worked for a while but after Christmas break I was flooded with tears, anger, and even parents wanting to remove their daughters from school! The situation had taken a turn for the worst and I'm afraid an unsurvivable situation for a human being.

So why the blog entry? I'm upset! It has been a thorn in my side. Did I do the right thing? Did I say the right words? It's so hard not to get caught up in the "well, she said/did" drama. But ultimately, it makes me so sad because out of all my students these girls should have been the ones to "get it". That life is more than this. More than this petty drama. They have every resource under the sun. But why are all my other groups going strong and this one not only failing but non existent? We live in a world of hurt people. They are afraid to trust and they are afraid to look at their own issues and take responsibility. And what makes me really sad is that these girls just moved on. There was no lesson learned, it was not their fault but everyone else's fault. So now, I barely see these girls. This has hurt me. After everything I have done for them, it comes down to this? They know I love them, they know I support them, and they know I would never judge them. So why, why is it so hard for them to ask for help and to be honest?!

And again, I'm struck by lightening. Why is it so hard for us to ask for help from God and those that love us? We know God will never leave us in fact He will love us more and yet, I still run away, get defensive, and push with all my strength. I don't want to be that way anymore. God can't use me when I do that. And something else that caught me off guard with not just with my ya ya sisters but with all my students. Why is that they are always talking crap about people and getting caught up in the "Did you hear what happened?" "Can you believe...?!" And I am struck down a second time. How is that any different than me getting caught up in the tabloids, the stupid dram from the Bachelor/church/work, or watching the Golden Globes and saying, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe she is wearing that!" Unfortunately, it seems much easier to be preoccupied with people's drama than our own. I don't think this is human nature. I disagree with the statement, "Everyone gossips or they deserve it for the choices they make", but I do agree that this is a learned behavior. And it's a terrible cycle because once you throw in people's past, their own selfish characteristics, hurts, and emotions you have a tornado that has been produced and you better leave it alone until the storm has calmed!

Lastly, God puts so much into us. He must want to punch us when we refuse to work on our stuff, choose to take the easier path, and stop seeing him because much like the ya ya sisters who are either too ashamed, embarrassed, or refuse to own any part of something they want to forget. For the life of me I look at the ya ya sisters and think, "What the heck happened?" There are many situations that start out as a snowflake and roll into an avalanche and we think, "Okay, how did that happen?" One thing I do know, I don't want to contribute to avalanches anymore. Since I do believe this is a learned behavior, I'm going to UN-learn it. And what is sad is that I think it's more socially acceptable and much easier to go with the flow than to interrupt the current.

Try to grasp that we are the only reminder some people ever get that God lives, forgives, loves, and remains in control...

2009-12-23T17:15:00.000-08:00

Pocahontas was a student of mine several years ago. I was only 21 when I met her. This beautiful woman of God has been through so much. I have to be honest, when you are reading about her story it's hard to think that God is All Purposeful. However, when you read her victory you cannot deny that God IS! You will see that God was right there with Pocahontas all along. I need to warn you, it's not an easy story to read. You will think "Did this really happen?" "Is she exaggerating?" But let me tell you that it happened. I have known Pocahontas for 6 years now...one thing she is NOT is an exaggerator. In fact, she's a minimalist, so keep that in mind while you're reading as well. I'm not sure where you are in your life right now, but hopefully this story will remind you that God is with you. Her story ALWAYS reminds me that I can make the choice to fight. Below are the exact words written from this precious child of God.

I stand here today as a testimony of the Lord’s grace, compassion, trust, forgiveness, and love. I pray that He uses His testimony, He has so graciously entrusted me with, to open the eyes and ears of the broken hearted in need of His love. This is my Father’s story…

I was born premature and addicted to the drugs my mom ingested during her pregnancy with me. Both of my parents are heavily addicted to drugs and alcohol. They divorced when I was five. Custody was given to my father because my mother was seen as an unfit mother in the eyes of the court. At that time she was deep in her anorexia and bulimia, which increased the effects of her drug use. A problem so noticeable the court overlooked my father’s drug use and awarded custody to my father. After the divorce, my father began to fall deeper into his addiction while my sister and I watched. Our consequences for his actions came mostly in poor hygiene, lack of food and bad living conditions. I don’t remember much about living with my father, it’s the years I spent living with my mother, after my father lost custody, that hold most of my bone chilling memories.

Two innocent children had been thrown into a lifestyle of drugs and sex, a darkened place were the Lord was nowhere to be found. My mother had not been apart of my life for about a year and I was excited to finally get a chance to spend time with my mom and receive the love, safety, and acceptance I so desperately longed for. But the only safety I would be able to find in my new home was in the comfort of my closet, away from the physical and verbal abuse I received from my mother and the physical, verbal and sexual abuse I would receive from the many men she would bring home.

I feared my mother with all my heart. The drugs had taken away my mommy and I was hurt. I watched my mom, who I loved so much, slowly kill herself by shooting up. Paying the bills and paying for her habit became all to much for her to handle, so my mother soon became a prostitute and allowed my sister and I to witness everything that came with that kind of territory. At the age of six I was being taken to strip clubs, bars, drug deals, crack houses, allowed to sleep in the same room and/or bed as my mom and her clients, left alone in the middle of the night, and left for days at a time alone with my sister. I never knew what to expect, what would walk through the front door next. I became a mother to my sister; feeding her food which I had to steel from the grocery store across the street and making sure she was dressed and showered for daycare the following day.

Psalms 68:5, “He is a Father to the fatherless”. The men that my mother attracted were far from the loving and caring father I wanted and needed in my life. I was sexually and physically abused by the men my mother had around. It happened from the age of six, until I was in the third grade. I knew what these men were doing to me was wrong, so I started counting. My childhood diary became a slue of tally marks covering many pages for each time I was sexually abused. I began counting at the age of seven, when my mom found a steady boyfriend, who didn't mind her profession. His name was ----- and I would become his sex slave for the next two years. While other kids where outside playing with friends I was inside performing sexual acts for ----- and his friends whenever and wherever they wanted. ----- taught me that it was my fault and if I hadn’t been such a bad girl, they wouldn’t have to do this to me and if I had taken better care of my mom and my sister, he and his friends wouldn’t have to be this way. These men fed me the lies of the enemy that I deserved the sexual abuse that was happening to me in my own home.

Isaiah 35:4, “Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, He will come with vengeance; with divine retribution, He will come to save you”.
After three long years living with my mother finally CPS (Child Protective Services) was contacted by one of my elementary teachers. I was soon taken out of the custody of my mother and sent to foster homes. While in foster care I experienced more sexual abuse by men but it would be the first time I was sexually abuse by a women. I was bounced around between five different homes, only to be placed with an uncle, aunt, and two cousins in Georgia. I thought I had finally found a place were I could trust the people around me and not live in fear. The enemy proved me wrong, I was then molested by my cousin, he was fifteen at the time.

John 17:12, “While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by the name you gave me”. All my life I had felt anything, but safe and protected by God. I felt as though He had forgotten me, He didn’t hear my cries for help, and He didn’t care. I was nothing to my mother, my father, or these men and I was nothing to the Lord. After four months of staying with my family in Georgia my sister and I went to live with my grandmother, finally some safety and security in my life. I started the fourth grade and for the first time I didn’t have to worry about where breakfast was going to come from, how I was going to get my sister and I to school and if I was going to have to steal school supplies to get through the year. No, I didn’t have to worry about any of the things I use to worry about, I had a new problem.

In the fourth grade I acquired a new problem, a problem with my eating habits. I wasn’t sure what was going on with me or my body, but all I knew was that I just didn’t feel like eating. By the time I got into high school I found myself in the darkened haze of anorexia and bulimia with no way out. By the time I finally sought help from one of the counselors at the school I was 5’6” and weighed ninety five pounds, I was taking 267 diet pills a day, limiting myself to one thousand calories a week and purging up to 36 times a day. In addition to not eating I was also cutting on a regular basis. Soon after seeking help from the school counselor I was admitted to Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital where I fought my eating disorder in the hospital off and on for the next year. After that year in and out of the hospital it was obvious that I needed more than just a feeding tube in my nose and going to counseling once a week, I needed to go to a residential treatment facility.

My stay at the treatment center in ------ was all but short lived. I went only to commit for six weeks and ended up staying two weeks less than a year. I accomplished much more there in one year than I ever did trying to help myself all those years in my eating disorder. I was safely able to deal with the nightmares of my past and the hold the enemy had on my life. I worked mostly on my sexual abuse and resentment I held against the men and women that abused me.

Now my life is pretty simple. I decided to stay in -------, I work as a receptionist for a private counseling practice and I’m going to school full time to become a nurse. And as hard as it may seem I am so thankful to God for giving me the life that I have. I am no longer resentful towards the people and my family in my life that hurt me. I use to ask God why he would allow all these bad things to happen to me…I now know that He didn’t allow any of this to happen to me. He was with me the whole time crying along beside of me because His little girl was being hurt.

I am a stronger person because of everything I have been through in my life and for that I am truly grateful.

So, I would love to hear your thoughts as you read this story. My mind is blank and my eyes are wide. It's almost hard for me to picture such a life because mine was so opposite. And there are parts I can relate too. When I met Pocahontas she was just a body. No personality, no life in her eyes, and a walking skeleton. I decided this year to start sharing Pocahontas's story to my small groups at the high school that I work at. I'm always very protective of my students and their stories and MY story as well. But God is teaching me that this is hindering me. And Pocahontas taught me that it is not our story anyways, it is God's story. We need to share our stories to glorify Christ. Pocahontas has more courage than I ever will have. She shares her story at the drop of a hat. She has come back to RHS and shared her story in front of 100's of girls.

As I was sharing her story to my groups right before Christmas break I was blown away by God's grace. That first of all, God would choose me to befriend this beautiful girl. It was my first year working out of college. I had NO idea what I was doing, though I tried to act like I knew, which in return just made things worst. Ha! I invited a speaker to come speak at RHS about eating disorders. This speaker's testimony gave Pocahontas the courage to go speak to a counselor for help. She walked into a counselor's office, shared part of her story and the counselor said, "I have no idea how to help you." Ha! That is not funny but it is. Can you imagine getting the courage to speak and getting that response. This is not a slam to that counselor...it is a praise! She was honest and walked her across the hall to my office! She was so wise in seeking out help for this girl. Unfortunately, I didn't know much more than this counselor other than the fact that I was going to love her and ask God to give me wisdom to help her. So over the next few months I got to know this precious girl. She never talked, it was like pulling teeth to get a sound out of her. And when she did speak I had to lean over to hear her voice. Immediately I called Vanderbilt hospital to get her an appointment and was disheartened when I learned her appointment would not be until several months. Knowing what I know now I would have done my best to get her help sooner, but like I said, I had no idea what I was doing so I was committing to keep an eye on her until her appointment.

We had a schedule set up. I met her once to twice a week checking on her multiple times as well. I was walking her to her classes because she would purge in between. She came into my office one day trembling. I remember telling her to give me her diet pills (which I didn't know she was on diet pills it just occurred to me when she was trembling), my moth dropped as she pulled out bottle after bottle after bottle to total up to 9 bottles! Each of them saying, "Take only under a physician's care and to be used for extreme obesity only". Ugh! Dear Lord, how is this girl alive. I asked her to make a time line for me of her life. As I unfolded the many papers that were taped together I remember saying, "Lord, why?!" I was angry and I am still angry because Pocahontas is NOT the only one with a story. I remember the day of her Vanderbilt appointment I was not at school for some reason. I was sick because I was so fearful that she would not attend her appointment. But I was amazed when I found out the next day she had been hospitalized. Pocahontas drove to the hospital on her own and sat there by herself as the doctor examined her and said, "I don't know how you are alive." Can you imagine? My heart breaks. I visited Pocahontas continually through out the next few weeks. Her recovery continues and as you read we entered her into a treatment facility.

I still have a relationship with Pocahontas. We chat frequently through e-mail and texting. I got to see her this past summer and she was absolutely beautiful! She is brilliant, has come to life, full of energy, and never stops talking OR laughing! It's hard to remember the lifeless thing that was brought into my office so long ago. She is living life with a passion for Christ that I pray I can have just an ounce of. She is a daily reminder that we always need to be willing to be a part of Christ's plan. And it makes me thankful and sad. I'm so glad that I was willing that day I met her. Because what would have happened if I wasn't? God would have still taken care of her. I'm just so thankful because of the impact she has had on me. It makes me sad because how many students have walked into my office and I haven't been willing to take the extra step with them. Because I was tired, or worried about me, or thinking, "I'll check on them later, someone else will help them." It makes me sick to my stomache. It's a good reminder that since I'm starting work back on Monday and dreading it that it's not about ME! It's about God, it's about His Kingdom. Gosh, I can get so selfish at times it drives me crazy. Now here's the real thing that gets me thinking for those of you who are actually still reading. I mentioned to Pocahontas that I was sharing her story to others and this was her response...

It makes me so happy to hear that your sharing my story!!!!!! Even now some days I wake up and I can't even believe I'm alive. Its only by the grace of God that I am alive and I know without a doubt that I shouldn't be. If my story only changes one life it was well worth going through everything I have been through!!!!! God is so amazing!!

I cannot believe this! I want to say, "Really?" You would go through the fear, shame, neglect, abuse, self-harm, and everthing else? All for one person? And as I said that too myself I was brought to my knees. Hello?! Our God went through much much much more and yes, really, He did die on the cross for ONE person. Me and you. Humbling isn't it? And hard to believe...but I want to thank Pocahontas for being that one person that reminds me that God lives, forgives, loves, and remains in control.

Surgery ='s Success!

2009-12-15T19:28:00.000-08:00

My baby taking care of me.

Hooray! Surgery is over with! I arrived at Vanderbilt this morning at 5:30. My surgery started around 7:30 and ended at 9:40. The outcome was better than expected! The amnuersal bone cyst that they thought was inside my hip bone was actually a type of tumor. And let me shout to the heavens for you that this tumor was BENIGN! Some of you might be thinking, "why is a tumor better than a cyst"? Well, this particular tumor will NOT come back as opposed to the cyst that had a 30% chance of coming back, which could mean more surgeries. No thank you. The tumor was larger than they thought. When removed my surgeon could stick her entire finger in it. Gross! They got to fill the hole with donor bone graph. This is a blessing because I will heal faster and it will make things much less complicated when Ryan and I decide to start a family. All the doctors and the nurses have been wonderful except for "nurse Hatchet" and I only had to put up with her for a few hours. I'm not in too much pain, just a little sore, but overall feeling really well. Praise the Lord. Mom says "praise the pain pills". Ha! She's so funny. Ryan is doing well too and of course has been wonderful. He tried to sneak into the pre-op room and got busted. There goes his career in crime. :) I'm sorry to disappoint some of you, but I didn't do anything crazy being on the drugs. However, I did ask someone to sing for me? Not sure where that came from. Some friends that came to visit kept laughing at me and I'm not really sure why, because I was making total sense in my head! Some other great news is that I get to go home in the morning! Yippee! I can't wait to get to my home, my own bed, and my Christmas tree. Ryan took off work until Friday and his mom will be there to help as well.

For all of you who have been keeping up with my blog/facebook I really appreciate it. I have saved all of your encouraging e-mails, prayers, and verses. I have read them numerous times throughout the day pre and post surgery. You all have blessed both Ryan and I so much. If there's anything we can ever do for you please let us know. I would love to return the favor. It's been humbling to be prayed for by people I barely know, close friends, prayer groups, and prayer groups of people I don't even know! One favor I can return...I pray that you all have people in your lives that love you as you all have loved me and my family. Please continue to pray that I will have a restful/painless night. And pray for Ryan as he gets to sleep in a plastic chair or me since it squeaks really loud every time he moves. Ha! He's so darn cute.

Umm yeah...I did NOT eat the hospital food!!! A shout out to my good friend Les who brought me food AND a beautiful bouquet of flowers! Oh and Ingrid who brought me some chocolate!

But guess who did...

One of my sweet friends who came and visited me. She brought me lots of reading material as you can see.

Birthday and Surgery Celebration!

2009-12-14T18:53:00.000-08:00

Well, tomorrow morning I head into Vanderbilt hospital at 5:30 A.M. God is already blessing me. Today I learned that they changed my stay from 3 days to just 2 days! Hooray! Ryan's mom got into town tonight and my mom will be flying into town on Thursday. It's been a great few days leading up to this stinky surgery. Ryan surprised me on my birthday with a pampering day from a really nice spa. I got a pedicure, manicure, AND a massage. It was wonderful. I teared up, I was so happy. They served me lunch, gave me a plush robe, slippers, and a neck warmer. I loved the neck warmer so much I bought one for myself. :) A birthday present to myself. God is blessing me even more with the fact that I have been in such good spirits. I am not fearing, I am not anxious, I'm just in "go mode" and praising God all the way. This morning I had a wonderful time with the Lord. My bible study lesson was about how God can reverse any negative element in His child's life and turn it into a positive. A coincidence? I think not! God is so good, this was just another affirmation that He is going to take care of me. I prayed this morning that God's glory will shine through this situation. Please join me in prayer. I am praying for the hospital staff, I am praying for a quick recovery, and I can't wait to see God's victory through this.

So tomorrow at 7:00 A.M. it is. The surgery will last 2 hours as long as everything goes well. If they find that my cysts is not a cysts than they will sew me back up (gross) and re-evaluate. Also, please help me pray that I will respond well to the pain medication and that I will not fear! Fear is not from the Lord.

Look how cute my hubby is...

This is right before we left for dinner on my birthday. Ryan took me to one of my favorite Mexican restaurants. We both ate until we felt sick!

My manicure! Isn't it beautiful!!

Ryan woke me up and served me breakfast.

I only had 1! Please, I could barely even finish it!

And me enjoying one of my most wonderful birthdays!

My Cardiologist Appointment

2009-12-09T17:44:00.000-08:00

Well it was another long day at Vanderbilt hospital, but not as long as my appointment last week so that's good! I had to see a cardiologist today for two reasons. 1: My chest pain and 2: To get cleared for surgery NEXT Tuesday. Ryan and I loved my doctor. She was so genuine and spent over 45 minutes with us! She ran several tests, a stress test, an ultra sound of my heart, and some blood work. The tests consisted of running in my feet (I didn't know I was going to be taking a stress test), being hooked up to many many wire things, cold gel on my chest, and 5 hours...I passed! However, they did find something very minimal. I have some fluid around my heart. It's not all around my heart (which is good) it's just around a section of my heart. It's also flowing very nicely and that's better than it being stagnant. I have to go back in a year to keep an eye on it. So, my heart doctor is leaning towards my chest pain being caused by a skeletal or muscular issue. I'm waiting to tackle all of this until after my surgery and after I have recovered. I would like to visit no more doctors until next Tuesday when I go into the hospital. I can only pray that my pain will subside a little.

Wise Beyond My Years?!

2009-12-07T05:51:00.000-08:00

I have recently realized that I have many of the same characteristics of a stereotypical Grandmother. I'm pretty sure I could sleep anytime anywhere. I would go to bed at 8:00 most nights if my husband would let me. I love taking naps. I love sewing...quilts especially. I'm going to buy a pair of glasses this weekend. I would rather curly up on the couch with a blanket and read than go out on a night on the town. I am having surgery on my hip! And on Wednesday I have an appointment with a cardiologist!!

Which leads me into an update on my surgery. It's been an emotional roller coaster for me. Everyday is a good day! It's just that there are moments in those days where I get scared and the "what if's" creep into my mind. But I choose to speak truth to those negative thoughts. It's only human to think those things at times. And I need to confess that I'm having a hard time feeling thankful. People say, "Oh it's so great that they found this"! "What a blessing they caught it now". My initial reaction is, "I guess"? I don't feel thankful that I have to have this surgery. And I must confess that I have been dealing with anger. I'm not angry at God. I'm just frustrated and scared at times. I get discouraged, especially with the chest pain. But as I said before, I know that God has a plan for my life and I'm excited to see where this situation takes place in His will! Praise the Lord my pain is not worst than it is. Praise the Lord that the doctors are not worried about cancer! Praise the Lord I have my faith. And praise the Lord I have my husband, my family, and all of you!

In the meantime before next Tuesday, I'm keeping myself very busy! Last week I reupholstered a chair. I had never done that before. I found this chair at a flea market with a few of my girlfriends for $22! I couldn't find anyone to reupholster for less than $200. Which is really not that bad, but when you are on the Dave Ramsey plan, that's a lot of money. So I went out and bought a staple gun and became trigger happy. :) It's looks awesome! I'll post pics soon. Now I'm finishing up a quilt that I am making for my Grandmother. I want to get it done before my surgery. I'm fitting these 2 big projects in between grad school, dinners, cleaning, and seeing a few friends.

Please keep me in your prayers for Wednesday as we go for another lengthy visit at Vanderbilt hospital this Wednesday. I'm not worried that there is anything wrong with my heart. My oncologist is just taking precaution before I have surgery, which I appreciate. However, this doctor supposedly helps young women that deal with chest pain so I am a little hopeful and nervous all at the same time.

Something to look forward to this weekend is my birthday! I will be turning 28! Ryan has something planned for me, but he won't tell me! I hate surprises! I will keep you guys updated!

Surgery Smurgery...

2009-11-20T18:48:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't know it's been a very looong week. Last April they found a "giant cyst" inside my hip bone. View my older post "My Daily Battle" there's a lovely picture for those of you who really want to see it. Anyway, I go in for my 6 month follow up appointment last Thursday. On Tuesday, I get a phone call from a nurse. "Mrs. Crouse, Dr. Huxtable (no, that's not his real name for those of you who grew up watching the Cosby Show) wants you to see Dr. Cox (Scrubs anyone)". Kat now speaks, "Who is Dr. Cox"? Nurse: "Oh, I don't know I thought you would know". Kat: "No, I don't know who that is? Where is this Dr. located and why am I being referred"? Nurse: "I have no idea, let me call you back." Kat: "Yes, that would be wonderful for you to call me back with some actual information!

I got this phone call at work, call Superman (aka my hubby) at work crying. Superman is irritated and says, "Baby, don't worry I will take care of this". Fast forward a few hours later and Ryan gently breaks the information that I will be seeing an oncologist. So let me put the past few days in a nutshell. Many frustrating phone calls. Go to 2 hospitals and pick up every X-ray, CT scan, and MRI that has been taken on my hip area, extreme chest pain, "Could I really have bone cancer?", "I feel like my heart is going to explode", the day before my oncologist appointment was awful, chest pain so bad we debated going to the er, Ryan holds me numerous times as I cry...weep, Isaiah 41:10, I hope mom is okay, many phone calls from friends and family, I am so thankful for them, I am so thankful for my faith, "Why?", go to Vanderbilt hospital to the oncologist cancer center, there for 7 hours, saw at least 8 different doctors, Dr. Elliot is my oncologist surgeon, LOVE her! She is sensitive, genuine, and gives me a sense that she is going to take care of me. Need to have surgery soon, 3 days in the hospital, and 3 weeks recovery, you will still be able to have kids. Won't know for sure that it is not cancer until the surgery when we do a biopsy. Kat: "Why do you think it's not cancer"? Dr.: "Because your bone is not angry, cancer makes the bone angry". Kat: "I've never thought myself to be an angry person". We laugh, laughter is needed. Dr. "Also, this cyst is full of blood which means it's an aneurysmic bone cyst and that also means it's grown so we need to get it out asap". Back to Kat's thoughts. I can do this. Tonight I have to go to the ER because my chest pain is so extreme. They give me pain medicine which so far hasn't worked much. Really God? Can I please have some pain relief? Ryan holds me as I cry...weep.

So, where am I now? I don't know why we are having to go through this, but I know God has a plan. We will grow and get closer to Him and that is worth it. I will choose joy. I am so thankful I do not have any pain in my hip and that my chest is not any worse. I am so thankful to have a wonderful man that loves me. He is affirmation that God is taking care of me. That God loves me. I could not do this without him. I am so thankful for my friends and my family. Their encouraging words and generous spirits are so humbling. We could not do this without them either. I am so thankful for God. Where would I be if didn't have anyone to put my trust in? If I felt that no one was in control?

For those who take the time to read this please pray for both Ryan and I. Please pray that my chest pain will subside. That everything will go well in surgery and of course that they will not find cancer. It's going to be a busy next few weeks with holiday plans, traveling, and getting ready for the surgery. I want to clean my house top to bottom and buy some cute pajamas. :) My surgery date is December 15th. Happy post birthday celebration! I will keep all updates on my blog. I also have an appointment with the cardiologist on December 9th. I have to get cleared with her before I can have surgery. My heart is fine, this cardiologist is supposed to be very helpful with young women and chest pain. Dr. Elliot said, "You are not alone, many women suffer with the same pain you do". Maybe God has me in chest pain so I won't be distracted with all this bone and surgery junk. Mission accomplished.

My Experience at Ala-Teen

2009-11-12T05:32:00.000-08:00

A student of mine (let's call her Pocahontas) has a father who is an alcoholic. Out of support I offered to attend an Ala-Teen meeting with her. Ala-Teen is an organization that offers guidance, counseling, and support for the children of alcoholics. A little background on Pocahontas, she lives with her mother, has seen and been through some very traumatic experiences. She wants to do what is right and she wants to succeed. I feel a connection with her and I want to reach out to her before that window of opportunity is too late. Thus far, Pocahontas has surprised me. At a glance you think she is going to give you an attitude and nothing but trouble. God never stops teaching me. I was humbled by how wrong I was.

So Pocahontas and myself drive to this meeting. Immediately I am surprised by 2 things. 1. There are children in here that can't be over 7 years old! 2. There were over 15 children/adolescents in this meeting. We began the meeting the standard way...introduce yourself, "Hi, I'm Kat" and in unison I hear, "Hi Kat". The floor was opened for discussion.

Sharer number 1: (guesstimated age 14)

My best friend lives down the street from me. I walk to her house often. Last night I joined them for dinner. As I was hanging out with them I see a mom who is Betty Crocker, a dad, and a brother and a sister. We sit down and eat dinner together and there was not 1 fight. I went home that night and I felt really messed up inside. I want that so bad. So I took out a notebook and wrote down everything in my family I wanted to change. And I'm willing to make these changes. I'm even willing to get along with my mom's boyfriend. I gave this list to my mother and for about 2 days things changed but after that everything went back to the way it was. I was in the kitchen making easy-mac for my usual dinner and as I'm throwing away the box I see on top of the trash can my list crumbled up. I just stood there...all my hope had been thrown away in the trash can. I took my mac and habitually spent the rest of the evening in my room alone.

Sharer #2: (guesstimated age 12) I think we all want that. We all want a family. I have to make sure that my mom buys 7 TV dinners so I will have dinner every night of the week. I love my Dad, but he is responsible for him and I am responsible for myself. He tells me he's going to change and I know there's nothing I can do to make this happen. Last time he told me that I said, "I'll believe it when I see it."

Sharer #3: (guesstimated age 16) I had to decide who I wanted to live with. I told my Dad that I can't live with him because he is unable to set boundaries for himself, yet alone me. I don't do well when I don't have boundaries and structure.

Sharer #4: (guesstimated age 7) My dad is going away to treatment. I think he is only going to obey his mom. If that is true than that makes me really sad. If it's not true than it makes me happy.

Sharer: 5: (guesstimated age 11) I don't like getting in the car with my dad because he is always drunk and high. It makes me so sad because he's willing to put his life in danger, but what is even sadder is he's willing to put MY life in danger.

Pocahontas teared up several time through out this meeting. I teared up several times. To see these "adults" in young bodies share such wisdom and courage was so inspiring. I wanted to take them all home with me. I wanted to hold them all in my arms and tell them that you DO have a family. You have a whole kingdom! It's amazing how smart and aware these children are. For them to take the role of a parent broke my heart. Children desire to be taken care of, they desire to be loved. I wish I had their knowledge at my age. Despite their situations they still had hope. They chose joy. I want to thank these children for teaching me how important love is. I want to thank them for teaching me how important my choices are. I can only pray that they will continue on a path of maturity and that their parent's love them more to sacrifice a change.

Say a prayer for Pocahontas. I invited her to church this Sunday.

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-25T18:39:00.000-07:00

Every year we have a Halloween party called "Trunktacular" with our church. The theme was
"famous children's movies" and our community group was assigned Peter Pan. We were having a hard time getting a man to dress up as the main character. None of the men jumped at the chance of wearing tights I guess? Go figure? I really wanted to be Tinkerbell! I mean, what girl wants to dress up as a pirate or a lost boy? I'm ALL girl and all about the glitter! So my wonderful husband said he would be Peter Pan for me! As I was researching Tinkerbell costumes I came to the conclusion that I was going to have to make my own because of money AND the inappropriateness of the adult costumes. I forgot that when adults dress up for Halloween they 'slut' everything up. Ha! No offense to anyone, it's just not kid friendly! I stayed up until 1:00 A.M sewing our costumes the night before! Quite a late night for someone who is used to going to bed around 9:00 P.M. It was a blast and totally worth it! We were a hit AND won 1st place! Very exciting!

Posing for our 1st place winning!

Match made in fairytale!

The finished product! I simply took a piece of glittery green fabric and wrapped it around my torso. My neighbor pinned it down the side to fit and I just sewed a line to follow. I cut the bottom to look jagged, added tights, wings, and straps. For the shoes I took left over fabric and hot glued it around some flat slippers I already owned. Next, I added the white pom poms on the top...just like Tinker Bell!

The picture I used for inspiration!

Woo Woo! What is it about a man holding a sword! To sew Ryan's outfit I took a t-shirt of his and placed it on the fabric for a pattern. I have no idea how to read a sewing pattern and I've never sewn any clothes before. I cut out 2 matching shirts and sewed them together. Next, I cut the sleeves and the bottom of his shirt while he was wearing it to make sure it looked right. I also sewed his hat. I cut out a square, folded it corner to corner in the shape of a triangle. I then sewed it down one side and turned it inside out! Lastly I just folded the bottom of the hat upward about half an inch...and wala! Peter's hat! For his shoes (can't see them to well in this picture) we cut out giant leafs from the green fabric and hot glued them to an old pair of house shoes. We couldn't find green tights so we used brown ones.

The picture I used for Peter Pan's inspiration.

Who would Tinkerbell be without her magic Pixy Dust? Here I am sprinkling glitter on the little girls that stop by to get candy. This is also a good shot of my hair. I googled how to fix your hair like tinkerbell and got this awesome style from a blog!

One of my favorite parts about my costume was the three tiny bells I sewed on the back of my wings. This helped me actually sound like Tinkerbell as I walked. This was my husband's idea!

Peter Pan fighting the evil Captain Hook! He's winning I might add. :)

Here's our Community Group "Peter Pan and all his friends"!

Rapunzel

2009-09-29T05:43:00.000-07:00

Did I spell Rapunzel right? She is a beautiful girl who is a student of mine. She is close to my heart like most of my students in my groups. Groups are my favorite part of my job. I get to know the students inside and out. Their deepest passions and their deepest struggles. I rejoice with them when they share good news and I weep with them when they share devastating news. High school students have to face a lot. Conflict in the home, difficult parents, peer pressure, and much much more. Rapunzel has a wonderful group of friends, is gorgeous, talented, and a heart for the Lord. All this to be destroyed by a boy that she claims is her 'prince' who represents more of a beast. And not the kind in the fairy tale that has a giving heart under the hideousness. It breaks my heart to see this beautiful creature get the life sucked out of her from this relationship. I see it every year. Girl gets with boy, everything starts to fall apart. Her friend relationships become conflictual, she starts fighting with her family, she is miserable, she starts to question her faith, she slips on her morals, and so much more. Rapunzel is in an abusive relationship, verbal and mental. I want to rescue her and beg for her to please let our precious Father be her night and shining armor. It's been a battle for me. I will fight for her, love her, and speak truth to her. Yesterday, Rapunzel was in my office and I saw it in her eyes. Rapunzel has gone back to her so called "prince". I am angry. I am angry at the enemy and I am angry at the world we live in. The lies these precious girls believe makes me furious. She is giving up everything for what she has convinced herself is happiness. How many times will she survive the fall. And as I feel so defeated I am reminded that our Savior must feel like this everyday as His people whom he effortlessly and continually loves loves choose worldly things over Him everyday. He is there to with open arms as we return time after time. He weeps when we tear away and rejoices when we come back. Help me pray for Rapunzel. I pray for wisdom and patience. I pray for wisdom to guide her friends and her mother. I pray that God will captivate her heart. Please pray.

Preparing for baby Jack!

2009-08-15T08:21:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I drove up to Kentucky to help my best friend Catie organize her baby room. I should have taken a before and after picture, you couldn't even see the floor there was so much stuff on it. Most people walk into a room like that and get overwhelmed...I get energized! I'm making her sound like a slob...she's the total opposite. Her house is actually so clean and NO clutter which I love. I told her "just throw every baby item you get in the room and I will take care of it". :) I spent about 2 full days with her. I loved it so much! I loved getting to help her prepare for baby Jack. I know nothing about babies, but I love cleaning and organizing! It was the one thing that I felt like I could contribute. She took such good care of me while I was. She bought all my meals and coffee, we went shopping, and watched girly movies. Perfect weekend! I hope I didn't work her too hard though. :)

Curtain Call

2009-08-15T07:59:00.000-07:00

Look how ugly these curtains are! Venetian blinds?! Yuck! If you have venetian blinds in your home I'm sure they look lovely, but in my house...nope!

Now look how beautiful these are! I know it only requires straight lines to sew curtains, but I was SO proud of myself. I had so much fun making them and it was the first project on my Grandma's sewing maching that she gave me over the summer.

Such pretty fabric!

My daily battle

2009-08-02T12:06:00.000-07:00

Dear Fear, Pain, and Anxiety

You Suck

There is not a day that goes by that I do not feel light headed, nauseous, chest pain, and abdominal pain. I have battled these ailments since I was a little girl. With much embarrassment I think back to memories of me laying in the fetal position on an examination table due to excoriating pain. I don't always have ALL the symptoms everyday, but always have at least one of the symptoms. Well...I take that back, I have had chest pain everyday for the past 3 years. Have I been to the doctor you ask? Oh yes, many times. Here is how the story goes...in a nutshell.

Kat: I have pain in my stomach, pain in my chest, blood in my urine, and blood in my stool

Doctor: We will run lots of test and send you to lots of specialists

Doctor: We have found nothing, but take these drugs

Kat: Fantastic (sarcasm)

What the heck?! I feel like a crazy person. My family will state, "Katherine is the weak one, she was always sick". Hello! The pain is real people. I don't sleep with a heating pad every night for nothing. But then 2 things happened that have helped me come to some conclusions.

Number 1:

I found myself in another all too familiar place. The E.R. My abdominal pain was so severe that I could not walk. After many tests they could not find any medical explanation for my pain. Shocker. However, they did find and I quote, "A giant Cysts" inside my hip bone. Please see below.

The "Giant Cyst" is that dark colored spot in the right hip bone (it's your right but actually my left). Did that just confuse you more? Anyway, this "spot" they found made it a very interesting few weeks for Ryan and me. Let me break it down for you.

E.R. Doctor: We found this "Giant Cyst" oh and also this spot on your liver. It's probably nothing but could be something, anyway you need to get it looked at immediately.

A week goes by until I can get into my primary doctor...

Doctor: I have no idea what this is, did you google it?

Kat: Are you serious? Did you really just ask me, "Did you google it?" Can you give me my $25 co-pay back please, I saw this really cute shirt at Target and I would like to buy it with the money I just wasted on you.

Doctor: However, the thing on your liver is no big deal. People have those all the time.

Kat: Awesome! It would have been nice if the E.R. doctor would have told us that instead of us worrying about "nothing" for a week.

Doctor: You need to go see a bone specialist.

Another week goes by until I can get into the bone specialist.

Kat: (As I'm sitting in the waiting room of the bone specialist) "I'm the youngest person in here by 20 years"!

Bone Doctor: It's either cancer, a growing cyst that will take major invasive surgery, or it's been there since you were little and it's no big deal. You need to schedule a bone scan.

Kat: Hmm...I hope I don't have cancer in my bones. That would suck.

Jump forward a week...Praise The Lord, you don't have cancer. Come back in 6 months to see if it's growing. Woo Hoo! Ryan hugs me and we weep. Only the 2Nd time I have seen him cry. It was the first time he had seen me cry! Just kidding. In the words of my sister-n-law...more like the eleventyhundreth time.

Okay, so why am I rambling on about this? This incident changed our lives. I have asked God to show me His purpose of us going through such a awful thing. Ryan and I were forced to have conversations that we never thought we would be having our first few years of marriage. And I found myself saying, "I'm going to change a lot of things when all this mess is over". One being the color of our bathrooms. They are red and they make me think of death. But here's the thing...my hip NEVER hurt until they told me this "Giant Cyst" was inside it. That got me thinking. Our minds are very powerful. I wasn't crazy...there was actual pain in my hip. So I thought to myself, "I'm going to fight all these symptoms I feel on a daily basis". If my mind can make me feel pain, then my mind can make me feel healthy right?

Okay, number 2:

In class we learned about a condition called somotization. Somo what? Yeah, that's what I said. The Abnormal Psychology 14TH Edition states this as, "symptoms characterized by multiple physical complaints for which no physical causes can be found". Hmm...this is sounding familiar, I shall continue to read. People who experience somotization experience real feelings of pain, dizziness, nauseousness, and are sufferers of some type of sexual abuse and/or post traumatic stress syndrome. Yes, I said a sensitive word there...sexual abuse. For those of you who are thinking, "I can't believe she is saying this". We are only as sick as our secerets and it happened so I'm sorry if you are having a harder time dealing with it than me. It makes sense, people who struggle with PTSD experience terrible nightmares, feelings of shame, guilt, and much more. You will never understand unless you live it. It's not fun though. And with all the trials my abuse has caused me (we will save that for another bloggy day) this is the one I cannot seem to put behind me. I have been through counseling and I have faced all my issues. A lot of times people will become sick or hurt because they are not personally dealing with their issues and so the body finds other ways for it to release such stress such as pain. I have made one step though and that is through my thinking. I am no longer going to stop living life because I don't feel well. First of all, there are lots of people who feel a LOT worst than me. Secondly, until I am vomiting profusely, passing out, or in bed with a fever...I will prevail. If I'm feeling dizzy and I pass out...then someone will get me to a doctor. If I have severe abdominal pain, I'm moving on unless I am puking up blood. And guess what? So far, this IS helping! I did have to recently go to the doctor again because of stomach pain. But I also have continuous UTI infections (had them before I was married too so it's not the sex) and I want to make sure they don't go to my kidneys. Anyway, now I have to have more tests done to see why I keep getting those. But anyway, I'm not letting it scare me to the point that it did. This is HUGE. This was a long blog, probably the longest I will ever do. So those of you who actually stuck with me...thanks. I can't say I would have done the same. Let me end by repeating...

Dear Fear, Pain, and Anxiety

You Suck.

I Rule

With all that said, I'm not weak, but really strong. In fact I will leave you with the inspiring words of Beyonce:

I'm a survivor ,I'm not gonna give up, I'm not gon' stop, I'm gonna work harder, I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, Keep on survivin', I'm a survivor, I'm not gonna give up, I'm not gon' stop, I'm gonna work harder, I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, Keep on survivin'.

Boo Ya!

Definitely NOT Sleepless in Tennessee

2009-07-12T10:23:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I love bedding. I am always looking at the different styles, colors, matching pillows..etc. Not only do I love bedding but I love sleeping in the bedding. Ha! The picture to the right is the beautiful duvet cover that is on my bed as we speak. It took me 8 months to pick out. That's right 8 months. So I think that gives me good reason to enjoy it. During this particular summer I am getting an average of 10-11 hours of sleep a night! I like to call this a hidden talent. At first, I was asking myself, "What is wrong with me"? Am I sick? Am I depressed? Then I ran across the verse where God talks about blessing us with rest. And I said to myself, "Kat, maybe you are tired from working 2 jobs, going to grad school, cooking, cleaning, etc." And I'm learning in my Esther bible study by Beth Moore (it's awesome by the way if you are looking for a study) that Satan loves to steal our joy away. Well NO more Satan. If I sleep 11 hours, than I sleep 11 hours! And I'm going to enjoy it while I can. Only 3 more weeks until I go back to work. I cannot believe how fast summer is going. This has been the quickest by far. Only 3 more weeks until I can sleep 11 hours a day! And let me tell you...I am having some CRAZY dreams. In fact, I will leave you with one of my latest ones. I was riding my bike in the snow, on my way to Krogers to meet my old dance team for dinner. They were not there so I went in the back looking for them and ran into my sorority sisters who were having a party. During all of this I was talking to my good friend Lindsey who was saying, "Kat, I promise you, this guy claims he is making more money selling concert tickets for Paul McCartney. Unfortunately he can only work 20 concerts because he rotates among his family".
Need I say more...P.S. Shout out to Pottery Barn for their pic!

Showing off my quilts!

2009-06-24T07:26:00.000-07:00

Below are all the quilts I have sewn since last summer! The post before this has the one I made Catie as well. For the life of me I can't find where I uploaded those pics. I love sewing! My sweet Grandmothers have sewn all of their lives and I wanted to carry the tradition on. I could sew for hours. I love putting the pieces together and seeing it come together in the end. As cheezy as it sounds it makes me think of God. How much time he spent in piecing every single stitch that makes us up! And every stitch is important. Good and bad, because without that one single stitch...the piece as a whole would not stay together.

This is the quilt I made for my niece Anya Kate. Anya was named after me. I loved getting to make this for Emily, my sister-n-law and my twin brother, Kent.

Look closely at the pinwheels and buttons I sewed on. This was a big step in my quilting skills!

Izzy was a bridesmaid in my wedding. She is a cousin of Ryan. After trying for many years she was blessed with twin baby girls!

I picked a Noah's Ark theme. I loved this pattern.

This was my first quilt and my favorite. It's probably my favorite because it was my very first quilt, but I also think it is so beautiful. I got to make this for my first niece Libby. Pictured with me is actually my neighbor, Krista. She graciously taught me how to sew. We spent many hours at her house sewing this quilt together and getting to know each other. I've learned a lot more than how to sew. She is an incredible mother and her and her husband's hospitality is humbling. She is such an encouragement as well. She was a fighter for me in prayer when I was counseling all my young mothers through their pregnancies. Many babies have been saved because of their praying. I tear up just thinking about it.

This is the back. I ran out of the yellow material so I put a big ole purple stripe right down the center. I liked it. :)

My latest quilt!

2009-06-23T18:24:00.000-07:00

I got the opportunity to host a baby shower for one of my dearest friends Catie. This young woman has touched my heart in so many ways. Her little boy Jack is due at the end of August. Here is the quilt I got to make for baby Jack! I LOVED the prints. It was the first "boy" blanket I got to make. I was excited to do that for her.

I love the details. I saw this in a book. It looks a lot easier than it really is. I needed to take a shower after carving out the watermelon. I was drenched in melon juice!

Here I am getting ready to make the first incision.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

2009-05-10T17:28:00.001-07:00

I would have bought these for you and sent them to the house if "Dave Ramsey" was not in charge of my check book! :)

I hope you Dance.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder, You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger, May you never take one single breath for granted, GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed, I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean, Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens, Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance, And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I love you!

3 Generations!

Happy Birthday Ryan!

2009-05-09T19:25:00.000-07:00

Here we are at J Alexanders, Ryan's favorite place to eat. :) One of his MANY favorite places to eat that is.

I caught him eating cake for breakfast!

Ryan is such a kid at heart. I loved giving him this cake!

My New Niece

2009-04-18T19:34:00.001-07:00

I would like everyone to meet Anya Kate Hathaway. Kate was named after me. I was so honored. This is my favorite picture of her. She looks like a little butter ball. There's the tuckered out Dad. It's weird that my twin is a Dad.

Here is Anya's beautiful mom! This is the quilt that I sewed for Anya. This one has buttons AND Pinwheels. I'm getting gutsier!

The biggest diaper cake you have ever seen! Leave it up to my twin brother to make a diaper cake with close to 1,000 diapers! 937 to be exact!

I loved the paper lanterns hanging from the chandelier and all the bright colors.

The center pieces came together so well. We got the boxes for free from a florist. You can't see it real well, but in the middle of the box is a black pregnant wire form body with a bright pink ribbon around it's belly.

Funny Moments

2009-04-13T21:27:00.000-07:00

My Hero! I snapped a picture of Ryan while he was trying to kill a fly. I died laughing!

Our toilet was leaking in the morning and Ryan came home from work that very day and put in a new toilet. One of the benefits of having your husband work for a toilet distributor. I was so proud of him.

I love this picture. It looks like Ryan is taking a picture for an Aquarium pass at the Chattanooga Aquarium. Ha! That is a real fish behind him!

An Unsuccessful Tulip Transplant. It's not a good idea to dig up a tulip and move it while it is full bloom. Who knew?

After much encouragement from his wife, Ryan finally got in the bathtub during a tornado warning. Listen, when you are from Oklahoma, you hear the tornado sirens and you get your booty to shelter.

My HERO! I snapped this picture of Ryan while he was very focused. He's trying to kill a fly.

Our Biggest Fight

2009-04-13T21:23:00.000-07:00

Our biggest fights have been at the grocery store. Our first one was on our honeymoon over jelly. He likes regular Welch's grape jelly but I like Polaner jelly. Why not eat something that taste better with way less sugar. :) We literally stood in front of the jellies for 30 minutes. You will be glad to know we buy separate jelly.

Showers and more Showers!

2009-04-12T16:54:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite picture of all my bridesmaids...they all look naked!

I love delicate tea cups. I picked a antique tea cup at a local antique shop in Mustang, Oklahoma (where I'm from) for each of my bridesmaid. I wanted them to have something unique and special.

The Bridal Brunch of my dreams! As soon as I find the rest of the pictures I will post more! It was so beautiful!

My best friend and Sister-N-Law did such a wonderful job. Notice the pink daisies...one of my favs.

Inside these colorful packages are Oreo Balls...MMM...also known as black balls. What? They are!

Everyone who knows me knows I have a little "cowgirl" in me.

I love the 80's! Isn't this picture hysterical! It looks like an actual photo from 1980! It was such a fun shower!

The Breakfast Club: The New Class

The Dress of My Dreams!

2009-04-12T16:31:00.001-07:00

I fell in love with this dress immediately! Faccio Bridal gave me 50% off for buying it off the rack. They treated me like a princess. Besides my groom, this was my favorite part of our wedding. I actually put it back on for our 1 year Anniversary! You should have seen Ryan's face when he came home from work with me plopped on the couch in my dress! Ha!

Me and Prince Charming

2009-04-12T16:12:00.000-07:00

Our very first Christmas

I know I'm partial, but I have the most amazing husband in the world...for me. :)

The most beautiful bouquet of Gerber Daisies.

On the balcony in Hawaii.

On the beach!

Watching the sunrise in Maui on top of a volcano.

I would relive this day over and over!